Critters Movies Ranked: From Furball Fails to Alien Gold
There have been many “creatures take over small town” films over the years, but few have managed to stick around (and roll around) quite like Critters. First chomping their way onto VHS shelves in the 1980s, this beloved series is full of B-movie goodness, alien chaos, and more intergalactic nonsense than you can shake a space blaster at.
So we take a trip back to the video shop and get excited about seeing a tiny furball holding a big silver 2 on the cover of the latest release. These little porcupine space hedgehogs have a special place in cult horror history, so let’s celebrate them with our definitive rankings of every Critters movie.
You may be surprised by where each one lands. So sit back, paint some alien eggs, throw on your Easter bunny outfit, and watch out for those greedy little monsters — we’re counting them down from worst to best.
5. Critters Attack!
There was a time when the word “Critters” meant silly joy, low budget chaos, and tiny ball shaped monsters with teeth that could chew through steel and your heart. Fast forward to Critters Attack and we are asking some serious questions, like “Why was this made?” and “Did we really need a Critters movie that feels like an after school special gone wrong?”
The plot is pure nonsense. A girl finds a weird forest creature that looks like a hairy basketball with fangs and just takes it home. No questions. No concerns. Just a good old fashioned “this is fine” moment. Of course it is not fine. It is a critter and within minutes more are showing up, chewing on people and causing the usual mayhem. Only this time, it is not fun mayhem. It is “why does this look like it cost five pounds to make” mayhem.
Dee Wallace returns, and while that should be a good thing, it only reminds us how far the series has fallen. The acting is on par with a school play about alien hedgehogs and the dialogue feels like it was cobbled together from rejected CW scripts. We are all for puppets and practical effects but here, they are so half hearted you can practically see the crew member’s hand holding them up.
Critters Attack is the kind of movie that tries to appeal to new fans while completely forgetting what made the originals so charming. If you absolutely must complete the set, go ahead and watch it. But do not be surprised if you come away wishing you had just watched the original four again instead.
4. Critters 4
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in space, the crites return. Again. And this time, they are dragging the franchise into full blown Alien rip off territory.
Critters 4 continues the misadventures of Charlie, everyone’s favourite alcoholic turned space bounty hunter. After killing enough critters to earn a species-wide extinction warning from the galactic higher ups, he is told he cannot destroy the last two eggs. Instead, a containment pod is sent to collect them for preservation. And Charlie, being Charlie, ends up frozen with the eggs like some kind of discount Captain America.
Cut to the year 2045. A grimy space station is floating out there in the void, staffed by a group of future folks including none other than Angela Bassett and the voice of Chucky himself, Brad Dourif. They make the mistake of letting a mysterious ship dock. That ship just happens to contain a very chilled Charlie and a couple of very annoyed critters.
What follows is pretty much Alien if the xenomorphs were furballs with too many teeth and an appetite for scenery chewing, both literally and figuratively. Gone is the small town charm. Gone is the chaos. Gone is the fun. Instead we get corridors, flashing lights, people shouting things like “We’ve got a breach,” and a surprising lack of actual critter action.
To be fair, taking the series into space makes more sense for Critters than it does for, say, Jason Voorhees or Pinhead. After all, crites are aliens to begin with. But logical progression does not automatically equal a good film. This entry is passable at best, and mostly notable for casting real talent and giving them absolutely nothing to do. One for the completists only.
3. Critters
Usually when you see rankings of the Critters movies online, the original film is sitting comfortably in first or second place. And while we totally get the love, we are going to have to respectfully (and slightly controversially) place it in third.
Yes, it is a cult classic. Yes, it introduced us to the furry little space porcupines with razor sharp teeth. And yes, it came before any of the sequels. But let’s not kid ourselves — this is a full on B-movie through and through, and it came about mainly because the creators saw the glory of Gremlins and said, “We want some of that action.” Only, instead of mischievous creatures turning into evil gremlins, we got bitey cannonballs from space with a language of their own and an appetite for chaos.
Still, there is so much to love. The small town setting is charming in that 80s horror way, the locals are perfectly oblivious, and the family at the centre of it all is led by Dee Wallace, the queen of maternal terror thanks to E.T. and Cujo. Her farmhouse becomes ground zero for a critter invasion, and instead of running away screaming, her and the family dig in and fight back. It is all very wholesome until the space bounty hunters show up looking like a glam rock band from space.
Critters is full of energy and practical effects mayhem. The monsters are funny, the characters are loveable, and the whole thing moves at a snappy pace. It is no wonder it kickstarted a franchise that has somehow lasted longer than expected. We do like it a lot. We just like two others more.
2. Critters 2
Set two years after the events of the first film, Critters 2 gives us more furballs, more chaos, and a whole lot more cheese. It may not win awards for originality, but it wins our hearts for sheer ridiculousness.
Young Bradley Brown returns to Grover’s Bend to visit his gran, just as things start getting eggy again. Literally. Some local kids find what they think are weird Easter eggs in a barn and decide to paint them (why not?) before the inevitable hatching of hungry, spiky little monsters. And just like that, the porcupine aliens are back in town.
The townspeople, still in heavy denial from the first invasion, have no choice but to believe when the Critters start chomping everything in sight, including an unfortunate soul dressed as the Easter Bunny. Yes, you read that right. Horror icon Lin Shaye pops up again, this time in an early role way before she was dealing with ghosts in the Insidious universe. And the alien bounty hunters also make a return, one of whom morphs into a Playboy centre-fold because… 1980s logic.
As the critter count rises, the survivors come up with a plan that includes dumping a mountain of frozen burgers and buns and using a giant fan to blow the scent toward the crites in the hopes of luring them to a trap. The plan fails, naturally, and instead the creatures fuse together like some furry Transformer and form one giant rolling ball of teeth and death.
Yes, it’s stupid. Yes, it’s full of plot holes. And yes, it is wildly entertaining. Critters 2 is the kind of sequel that knows exactly what it is and leans hard into it. Cheesy, gory, silly, and strangely loveable. It’s one of the few times where “more of the same, but bigger” actually works.
1. Critters 3
Critters 3, or as it’s known in most trivia nights and pub quizzes, that weird monster movie Leonardo DiCaprio made before he was famous. That’s right, the future Oscar winner made his big screen debut in this furry alien creature feature. And if it weren’t for Leo, this film would likely be a forgotten relic buried deep in the dusty corner of a video store, next to other forgotten third entries like Tremors 3 and Ghoulies Go to College.
Set some years after the second film, we meet a family on the road to their new home. There’s a dad, a daughter, and a moody son. Their mother has passed away, because of course she has, and nothing says emotional baggage like a grieving single dad road-tripping with his kids near Grover’s Bend. Naturally, the car breaks down. Naturally, they encounter some locals, including a very young DiCaprio who may or may not have known what kind of movie he was in. And naturally, they take a weird egg-shaped object with them. That egg, as you might have guessed, does not contain chocolate.
Before long, the crites are back, and instead of a small town or farmhouse, they are terrorising an apartment block filled with all sorts of eccentric tenants. Cue scenes of mayhem, bad decisions, and one critter that literally blows bubbles and farts for comedic effect. It is as ridiculous as it sounds, and we kind of love it for that.
Look, we know this movie is usually thrown toward the bottom of every other Critters ranking. We know the effects are ropey, the plot is nonsense, and the tone is all over the place. But there’s something oddly charming about it. The limited setting of the apartment block actually helps keep things focused, the low budget forces some creativity, and the whole thing moves at a decent pace. Plus, a farting alien hairball. What’s not to love?
This may be controversial, but it’s our favourite of the bunch. Maybe it’s nostalgia. Maybe it’s Leo. Or maybe it’s just nice to see a Critters movie that doesn’t take itself seriously and fully leans into the madness.
